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[06 Jun 2005|09:12pm] |
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jack off jill - losing his touch |
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k, so I'm making a new journal.
once again, someone fucking hacked into my journal so they could read my posts that they were filtered out of and then went and told everyone they fucking know about my life. this isnt the first time this has happend and I highly doubt it will be the last. it's seriously fucking ridiculous. get a life of your own and stop fucking obsessing over mine.
other than that.. jenny overdosed yesterday. after a shitload of drama cause frank and gabby are fucking morons (frank refused to take jenny to the hospital and gabby was freaking out cause she was sick of "drama"), she finally got to the hospital cause I called an ambulance. she ended up getting her stomach pumped for 2 hours and got released last night. I was so worried about her, thank GOD she's okay. the doctors said if she had taken 1 more pill or had waited a little while longer she would have died. scarey fucking thought.
anyways, me and browning are still together. he denied it to the ground and after me accusing him NONSTOP for like 4 hours he swore to me he didnt cheat on me. I dont know if I believe it or not, but I love him to death and after all the shit we've been through I atleast have to put a little trust in him. even if he really did, I dont think I'd leave him. I'd beat the living shit out of him, but I wouldnt leave him. loves a bitch, right?
anywho, I'll be adding most of you to my new friends list. I'm not gonna post my journal name here cause that'd just be dumb ;/
annddd thats it! -curtsies-
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[03 Jun 2005|03:38pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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tiger army - wander alone |
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okay so I ended up going over brownings apartment last night and he went to work this morning per usual and blahblahblah..
so I was looking for a lighter and couldnt find one, I figured he might have left one in the pocket of an old pair of pants or something so I was looking through his clothes and stuff when what do I find!? a fucking pair of underwear that are dirty and NOT mine. so I called him up at work and was like wtf, he said that they were probably there from a long time ago. UHM, RIGHT?!!? they're fucking black, after almost 5 months of us dating dont you think they would have faded a LITTLE?!?! and they were right beside one of the shirts he wears a lot, so.. what the fuck???!?!!? then I told him I was going to go home and he was like "whatever" WTFsfasDFKASLDJF
fuck that, I know I'm fucking stupid when it comes to this kinda shit, but theres no way I'm THAT fucking stupid to believe him.
and to make things better?! I'M FUCKING STUCK IN THIS FUCKING APARTMENT CAUSE NOONE WILL GIVE ME A RIDE HOME.
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[29 May 2005|12:50pm] |
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mood |
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so last night was the blood brothers show, it was absolutely fucking amazing. I love them oh-so-much. I screamed every word to every song, danced my ass off, and got in the pit for a little while. brownie got all 5 members to sign my sticker for me. awhhhhh!! I love him so much. after the show me, gabby, daniel, and browning met up with my mom at the village. to make a long story short my mom got completely fucking wasted and while driving home on a bridge I said "be careful on the bridge", since I have a huge fucking fear of car crashes AND bridges and she was swerving like a motherfucker. but what does she fucking do?! starts fucking speeding and takes her hands off the fucking wheel. WHAT THE FUCK. so me and gabby are screaming at her to slow down and after what seemed like forever she did, which followed by me bursting into tears and even fucking shaking cause I was so scared and my mom and gabby screaming at eachother all the way home.
fucking christ.. I HATE DRUNKS that cant HANDLE themselves.
and todays brownings 22nd birthday. he's convinced he's a man now. -shakes head- anyways, I'm out.
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[27 May 2005|10:17am] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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brownings computer humming |
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I love how in this picture you can see me and browning fucking tounging-
bahahahahahah. ignore how fucking FAT I am ;/
anyways, the defense played a great show last night. good job, guys -thumbs up-
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[20 May 2005|08:15pm] |
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worried |
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brand new - the shower scene |
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k, so I left my purse in joes car and apparently he dropped it off infront of my house this morning and put it infront of my mailbox (WHY THE HELL THERE?!?!) and now it's not there. I'm prayingprayingPRAYING my mom or beth picked it up cause I'm FUCKED if somebody stole it. that thing had my camera in it ;/
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[20 May 2005|02:58pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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bumblebeez 81 - pony ride (remix) |
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naty tagged me with this shit so here you go-
1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video: a bunch.
2) The last film I bought: probably napoleon dynamite.
3) The last film I watched: clockwork orange.
4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
party monster.
stigmata.
goodbye lover.
pirates of the caribbean (sp?).
tbb live.
5) Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal:
gabby.
brownie.
jamie.
hash.
kevie.
and cause I'm bored-
1} What did you want to be when you were a child? a nurse.
2} Have you ever hurt someone physically on purpose and who? yeah, a shitload of people.
3}How many times a day do you get naked? whenever I shower, sleep, or have sex.
4}When was the last time you put your hand in your pocket? last night when I was trying to find a lighter.
5}What color are the bottom of your feet? they're actually pretty dirty right now from walking around with no shoes.
6}Everyone is some kind of maniac.. Which one are you? depressant.
7}What is the highest building/solid platform you have jumped off of? 10-15ish feet.
8}What question would you wanna ask the person who sent this to you? I dunno, whats up?
9}What do you think about the person who sent this to you? she's alright.
10} Name one thing you regret that you have done this past week? "being a whore with no conscience"
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[20 May 2005|12:11am] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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alkaline trio - my little needle |
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StInSoNPUNK [12:07 AM]: my penis was just tired
CIick Bang [12:08 AM]: thats what they all say
StInSoNPUNK [12:08 AM]: its an old man now, babyt
CIick Bang [12:08 AM]: just cause your growing a stach doesnt mean your penis is an old man
CIick Bang [12:08 AM]: you're*
StInSoNPUNK [12:08 AM]: *stash
CIick Bang [12:09 AM]: suck my ass
StInSoNPUNK [12:09 AM]: *stache
StInSoNPUNK [12:09 AM]: ok
StInSoNPUNK [12:09 AM]: ::bends you over::
StInSoNPUNK [12:09 AM]: ::licks anus::
StInSoNPUNK [12:09 AM]: ::gross sucking noises::
CIick Bang [12:10 AM]: ............
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[17 May 2005|10:43am] |
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mood |
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 cant.. effing.. sleep.. |
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JESUS EFFING CHRIST, theres a LOT of porn on this computer hahahaha.
and all of my piercings hurt right now? why? I dunno? mainly just my nose and the 3 ear piercings on my right ear. maybe I slept funny? the other day I ripped my belly button barbell out, but luckily I got it back in. ;/
-blink-
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[17 May 2005|10:18am] |
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mood |
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groggy |
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you should see how smooshed my pack of cigs are right now, bahaha they're seriously almost completely flat. thats what I get for shoving them in my back pocket instead of using a purse :[
WHY AM I UP THIS FUCKING EARLY??! -slams head on desk-
anywho.. I'm still at brownies apartment. todays our FOUR MONTH ANNY! it seriously does NOT feel like that long. awh, I love him so much.
I have no clue what I'ma do till 4pm today.. I think I might go back to sleep ina little while. I wish his roommates would wake up so I could go take a shower ;/
doo dee doo..
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| all this pain is an illusion.. |
[12 May 2005|12:53pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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tool - ticks and leeches |
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I freaked out on browning last night and broke up with him. I dont even fucking know anymore. he's never around, seriously. I see him two days a week and since monday morning I've talked to him for an hour TOPS. out of 96 hours he can only find one for me? what the fuck kind of relationship is that? I mean, come the fuck on. and then I get accused of cheating on HIM. WTF?! it's seriously so fucked up. I'm not used to that. I've NEVER been in a relationship with someone that hasnt wanted to even fucking talk to me unless he's over here and my pants are around my ankles. it's so FRUSTRATING. I've never felt so strongly for someone in my life, I love him to fucking death and it's terrifying.
last night was a real fucking wake up call for me. I had one of my "fits" after our little break up. I knew the SECOND I stopped talking to him that I had made a huge fucking mistake. I wanted to apologize to him so bad but I dont know his phone number, I tried getting people to take me to go see him but nobody would. I just wanted to hug him and tell him how sorry I was. which followed by me freaking the fuck out once I realized it was really over and I couldnt do shit about it. I cried NONFUCKINGSTOP for 4 hours, I screamed at the top of my lungs, I threw everything in sight and I'm pretty sure I'd be in a hospital right now if it wasnt for the fact there werent enough pills left for me to take. I havent felt that unstable in so long, it's been almost a year since I've been THAT bad. it's like I cant control my emotions at ALL. it gave me that feeling that I used to get when ronnie wouldnt fucking come home for days, the feeling I SWORE I'd never let another person make me feel. so fucking much for that. anyways, I finally went to bed around 7:30ish in the morning when two hours later gabby woke my fucking ass up and the second I got up and went downstairs I started crying again. I couldnt stop thinking about him and I felt like I was going to fucking vomit. my mom told me I should call him at his work and explain to him that I didnt mean it. so around 10ish I did. I really really really didnt want to cause I was terrified he would tell me to fuck off or be pissed that I called him at work or both but it was either that or keep fucking worrying and beating myself up over it. anyways, so I called and apologized and told him I didnt mean any of the shit I said and he said he'd forgive me and said we could still be together but he was still hurt annddd that was that. I dont fucking know. it felt fake. I dont see how he could not want to fucking kill me after some of the shit I said to him. maybe he just didnt want to have to deal with my shit while he was at work. I really dont know. maybe I should shut the fuck up and be thankful he even talked to me or try to fucking forget this ever happend or maybe I should stop being so pathetic over some guy. my minds in a million different places right now and all I know is I love him, I hope he really still does want to be with me and I guess I'll just have to wait this shit out.
and on a different note, I have blonde hair again. I had to get rid of the pink cause nobody will fucking hire me with it. I'll take pictures when my relationship isnt falling to shit.
If there were no rewards to reap
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away
By now
Gonna wait it out
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away
By now
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[12 May 2005|02:53am] |
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Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after all the the things we put each other through and
I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running
But this time, I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold
Until the end, until this blood
Until this, I mean this, I mean this
Until the end of...
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold
But this time, we'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of every...
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms
Forever, forever
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning
Forever, and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun
And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever
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[09 May 2005|07:04pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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the cure - boys dont cry |
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heheheh..
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| but maybe I'm just being a controling bitch |
[06 May 2005|02:35am] |
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 pissed off |
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So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
'cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield
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[05 May 2005|01:22am] |
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every time I die - ebolarama |
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EMort8: but ill say this, you are right the kids nowadays dont know what they are apart of
okay so that wasnt even DIRECTED at me or anything but it pissed me off so bad.
just cause every kid doesnt listen to blood for blood and sit at a bar drinking through shows like he does, doesnt mean they dont fucking know what they are "apart of" if anybody doesnt know what they're apart of it's him.
how can he even SAY that shit?!
have you not fucking BEEN to a show in the last few years?!
I see kids (including myself) at shows pouring sweat and giving the band they're there to see their EVERYTHING.
maybe he forgot the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when the amps cut on and the music starts. the absolute PERFECT fucking high you can share with a room of 200 people. cause all the kids I know, KNOW that fucking feeling and know that theres nothing better than being able to rock the fuck out with complete strangers yet feel bonded through sound and complete chaos.
that fucking feeling has nothing to do with how "hardcore" or lack there of any fucking kid is.
it's the kids that DONT give a FUCK at shows that know what they're apart of, that'll dance like they're alone in their room or jump into a crowd where they could break their fucking neck cause it's like a natural instinct. it's MUSIC. fucking SOUND and the affect it has on you. it's not about the rep you get from knowing the names of 10,000 bands or the fact you've been into it longer.
keep staying in the back at shows, I'll keep giving it my all in the front, you can keep telling me I dont know what I'm apart of, and I'll keep laughing cause you have no idea what you're missing.
and that ends my rant that probably made no sense and didnt come out exactly how I wanted it to. I hope atleast somebody got what I was trying to say
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[05 May 2005|12:40am] |
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jubilant |
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fbtmof - on the bright side, she could choke |
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BLOODY HELL, somebody get that bitch ona bowflex
her ass is like 2 extremely large fine christmas hams
-shudders-
StInSoNPUNK [12:37 AM]: good god damn that is a fat ass
Crusties Unite [12:38 AM]: jesus lord wtf kinda SMUTT are you looking at?
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[04 May 2005|03:05pm] |
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sleepy |
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nothin |
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so around 7am jeni came over here and we went got ciggys, stayed at her apartment for a little while, then we went and picked up thomas and went to maymont park for a few hours, drove around downtown for a little while, dropped thomas back off and now here I am again. -yawwnn-
anndd now my tired ass is going to bed cause I've been awake for like 25 hours
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[03 May 2005|12:59am] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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these arms are snakes - shit sisters |
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went to see Are You Fucking Serious? and These Arms Are Snakes tonight at the raygun
I havent seen these arms are snakes since november of 2003, it was about damn fucking time I had my stevie fix.
anywhooo,
some big fat fucking black BUM kept putting his hands all over me and trying to get me to buy him drinks. he kept holding my hand and putting his arm around my waist, luckily browning saved me, hahaha.
are you fucking serious rocked
STEVIEEEEEEEE. k so it was steves birthday and he was trashed, hahahaha.
stevie highlights-
deep throating the microphone.
lifting up his shirt and shoving his hand down his pants multiple times.
throwing himself onto the stage.
falling over.
rolling off the stage.
shoving his crotch into guys faces.
crawling around behind the stage/bleachers/and crawling ontop of the bar to get 2 shots while the band was still playing.
this fucking crazy ass guy kept sticking his finger in the hole in steves pants, rubbing him all over, flicking his tounge at him.. and being.. a weirdo.. hahaha.
ME PINCHING STEVES BUTT. I'll never wash my hand again.
the drummer invited us to hang out with them after the show but lack of rides and what not didnt allow it.. GAYGAYGAY ;/
I love taas so much.. I cant believe how amazing they are live. best. band. ever. I think they've clearly become my favorite band again.. EVEN MORE SO THAN THE BLOOD BROTHERS.
anyways.. the show ended at like.. 9ish.. so me and browning went back to his apartment and then we went to the village and waited for gabby and stuff, had pizza.. and thats pretty much it..
if only he wasnt gay..
speaking of.. thanks for dealing with my ohsotennieboppergroupieobsessionforsteve, browning. hahahah, I LOVE YOU!
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[29 Apr 2005|08:14pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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jack off jill - lollirot |
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You are insatiable
Sugared smile slapped on your skull
Everyone knows they need a piece of lollirot
Lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lollirot
Hard rock queens in ripped up jeans
Everyone thinks they're so obscene
Bend them over, you'll get a taste of lollirot
Lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lollirot
Skinhead boys are still the best
Oh I love when they slam and sweat
Get real close you'll get a sniff of lollirot
Lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lolli lollirot
We are all candy covered on the outside
Peel away the shell and we're rotten from the inside
We are all candy covered on the outside
Peel out your eyes, take my advice
Taste all your fears, sugar and spice
( picture )
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